Dating a widow with young children too soon

Each widow will have her own set of guidelines, I think, unique to her situation, but these are mine: Yes, I am a widow. Yes, I will talk about my late husband from time to time. I personally have never dated a man whose wife died, but I know plenty of women who have. Widowers feel guilty that they are still able to enjoy happiness, while the person they lost can’t.In fact, it felt nice to think about meeting new people and feeling appreciated as a woman.The idea of having adult conversations over a glass of wine or a nice dinner was appealing.I have talked to many other widows who have faced judgment and criticism after making the decision to date again and it always boggles my mind that anyone other than the widow herself thinks they know when the “right time” may be for her.Because, honestly, unless you have lost your spouse and find yourself suddenly and completely alone and overwhelmed by the isolation and loneliness that accompanies that loss, you have absolutely zero right to even have an opinion.So sharing my heart on this subject is probably one of the harder things I’ve opened up about since being widowed.

That’s not easy to do if his late wife’s clothes are still hanging in her closet.The reason I write is to be open and honest and transparent and real and raw.The reason I write is so that others going through what I have gone through feel less alone, less afraid and more normal, more seen, more known.The reason I write is to speak truth and life and if that incurs judgment from small minded and overly opinionated people, so be it. That being said, the decision to date after loss is not an easy one.Some widows choose never to date again, to remain single and find happiness in their singleness.

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I anticipate that dating is going to be difficult as a widow because I have an added layer of complication that is not the same for someone who is divorced or has never been married. Unless and until you become my husband, that fact will not change. You will need to be strong enough to let me grieve, or better yet, hold me while I grieve. I expect you to make an effort to show me you’re interested. I don’t have time or energy to invest in a man who isn’t on board.

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